Losing Everything

Thursday, August 27, 2009

This is dedicated out to one person in my life.
I know i've done you wrong by breaking the promises i made to you.
I deeply regret , i really at my bottom of my heart hope you can forgive me
and bring everything back to what it was before.

Although its short , but i really enjoy your company.
Guess i let it go when i myself prepared to hold on to it.
Before then , i really don't wish to open myself to anyone else
but then , you made me opened myself.
Memories will always be kept with me.

I really don't get it , what makes it so easy for you to act as if nothing
ever happened. I know i'm not a very good 'choice' to begin with.
I'm not rich , not handsome , i don't know what girls wan , i cant even
do a simple job of making some simple jokes to make you laugh.
I really hope everything share between us , is true. Because ,
to such a point of time , thoughts really had me running wild
and it makes perfect sense that what shared is not true at all.
Might even be someone better than me that steps into your life ,
might be what you said , a million reason on what makes you turn away
and never turning back again.

I have tonnes of things i wanna say to you. Everything i experienced
something new exciting , i really wanna share it with you like i used to
but pointing my mouse over ur msn , or scrolling pass ur name in my phone.
I just feels totally reluctant to say anything , you'll probably "does it concern me?"
You skimpy answers.. your cold attitude. there's nothing mroe i can do i guess.

To know that i hurt you , but i was trying to apologize , making it up to you with all
my might. But what you did really , hurt my indirectly too. I really have so much more
i wanna say , so much more i wanna make it up back to you. But you didn't even give me
one single chance to do so.. i'm willing to wait for you to even be ready , even if it takes
a year or two.. But guess its not gonna happen..
Guess what ever happens to relationships is always started off
so good but always ended up badly no matter what i guess?... I hope that you're happy
that we're even now.

Ray @ 8:56 AMFriday, August 21, 2009

For W34E:

Okays , not a single bit of planning was done , but jhi shen , me , chong yi , win has thought of organizing a chalet on the upcoming holiday. Nothing is planned out yet. So Feel free to tag me on what you all will wan on the upcoming chalet okay?!

For Sec Sch :

Upcoming Poly Holidays : ECP Outing (Probably).

End Of Year Event : CHALET ~

None of the above stuffs are planned yet , feel free to update me if ur interested in taking the role in the organizing team or have any fresh new ideas for everyone , everything will be taken into consideration ! =)

Ray @ 4:18 AMTuesday, August 18, 2009

Okays ~ back To write a lil' short post. UT Coming! (Understanding Tests)
Won't Be Bloggin in awhile until really something happen.

I see the entire story now , linking up bits and pieces , perhaps some assumptions? Came up with a feasible story of what's happening now.. I get it the whole picture now..

What can i say? : "Wow?" Am I Starting to hate?

Willing to wait to wait is one thing , not being allowed to is another..

Hope you're happy where you are. Thats de best i can ask for.

Ray @ 6:55 AMFriday, August 14, 2009

Went to Jun wei house early in the morning and played SA . lol! edmund later came also to watch us play and did other stuffs , around 4 pm we head off to MRT station to meet Jerry to head off to Jurong Point. Haha on the way , i am filled with all sorts of rubbish from Edmund LOL! as usual . I said to him : " if i went out with you for 1 whole week , my brain prolly turned into a garbage bin" haha!

After then , we head off to Yew Tee for basketball! YES! Yew Tee AGAIN~ at first i didnt wanna play at all , but then temptations , and i really wanna exercise abit so i played a couple of games ha. Really lost touch. Sickening feel. Later went back home , and slept , didnt even touched SA at all , so god damn tired.

13th August!

Met up at Son's House at around 415pm , watched Iljaeme ( i dunno how to spell ) ( yi zhi mei ) haha! Decided to head off to City Hall area to search for the 'Perfect Gift'. Trained to CCK and took 190 as its been awhile since me and son took a long distance bus so decided to took it. Haha~ Chatted for very very long , we even over shot and alighted at Funan IT mall HAHA! In the mean time , Edmund is waiting already at M.Square. Strolled our way to M.Square. Went to Marina Square , Checked out EVERY LEVEL , EVERY STORE , Conclusion : Nothing to get .

Head over to Suntec City! YES! & AGAIN SUNTEC! zZ. Checked Out EVERY LEVEL , EVERY STORE , Conclusion : Nothing to get AGAIN. It was close uh , went to Swavroski ( I forgot how to spell it , brain not working nowadays ) . Thought of getting something there but den it don't look suitable ha!

Head over to Raffles City Mall , Again ! Decided to fill our stomachs first before heading further on with our 'Journey' haha!
Checked Out EVERY LEVEL , EVERY STORE , Conclusion : Nothing to get AGAIN .

At that point of time :
- Brain malfunctioning
-"jia lat , i haven got anything"
-Swearing LOL!

Patronized IQBOX , Edmund caught his eyes on this watch and brought it ha! Its pretty nice i guess but quite big but suits him bah haha.

While waiting on the traffic lights , we're talkin bout Muay Thai haha! Son was boxing Edmund for fun , den suddenly Edmund blocked his punches with his NEW WATCH! Some fren he is uh! Check his watch first before asking if he injured Jun wei ! KNS! haha

Walked our way back from Raffles >> Suntec >> M.Square again to double check. On the way to find some place in M.Square to lepak , we're talking about something which i forgotten , and edmund ( if im not wrong ) somehow semi- raised his hands & Coincidentally G2000 's security door rang! haha! Drop a random comment :" Smelly lah" . LOL! Edmund & Son didnt get it in the first place , they react later like around 2-3 sec and laughed till teared HAHA! damn funny i swear. Lepak at Starbucks to wait for Ci hui , Edmund's god-mom , My 11 yr 8 month friend haha! She's not schooling anymore and working at London weight management.

Omg lah ~ i can't upload the photos ! - -... I'll try to upload it somehow soon.

Im a bloody failure i swear , i just can't get anything right , even those most precious to me i can just seriously lose it somehow. No matter what i do it ain't right somehow. Thanks Jun wei , Edmund & jerry ! Seriously wasted alot of time of you'all , jus because i just am such a failure. I really appreciate u all accompanying me all the while giving me ideas even though i know u both is seriously tired. Im so sorry ! & so thankful!

If you tell me to go and swear infront of my grandpa's grave now that i am a failure , I won't hesitate = =..

Ray @ 9:28 PMWednesday, August 12, 2009

Having this excruciating painful headache for 2 days..
Even today i went school with this pain, really unbearable.

I thought i thought things out , but this excruciating headache
really came at the very wrong time , making me unable to occupy
myself with movies & games , making me unable to sleep well.
it Got my lying in my bed staring at the ceiling , which as usual
drop me into 'hallucinating' mode , thinking bout things that i
thought i thought out already.

Let it go give up? Continue carrying this burden hoping for a miracle to happen? Wait with nothing attached to it?(This is ridiculously hard to do ..)

ARRRHHH ~ Panadol sucks , its nothing much than a waste of money , does not even PAIN - KILLS!

Ray @ 2:49 AMSunday, August 9, 2009

Ok ! Ytd went out with , son , han , joe , feng , cheryl , kenneth , kenny , fu , jerry hope i didnt missed out anyone~ We had soccer in the morning around 9-10 of us , enjoyable time , afterall im all cope up in my house for so long gaming and not doing anything else. Sprained my ankle AGAIN ... totally nothing to say.

Okays~ We met up at 530 pm at yew tee station , quite a number of ppl decided to turn up last minute so we head off from yew tee at around 6pm. First we headed for Cathay at Dhoby Ghaut , there was no slot for G.I. Joe other than the midnight show , some of us didnt wanna catch a cab back so we left the place and went to PS to see whether is there any tickets for a earlier movie. BOTH the place is packed like hell seriously, head off from PS empty handed as there is no slot for the movie, walked our way to Cineleisure ( I don't really like this place ), finally we all convinced ourselves we hav no choice but to catch a midnight show , 7 of us catched G.I. Joe , but kenneth , kenny , han wanted to catch 'got ghost' so they went to catch that movie instead of catching it with us. Bloody lame.

Guess wad's the joke of the day.
Han approached the counter to get tickets >> " Erm tonight 's got ghost ? "
(ZzZ) " Tonight 1:20 got ghost "
LOL!!!! Haha the counter assistant totally 'Blur'
After that we corrected that and got ourselves de ticket. thats about 750pm.

So we decided to head to ION since none of us had been there before ,end up 3 of us broke off from the group , Han , me and son. We went around look at some clothes and did some price comparing and 'comments' haha~ Finally we're tired and we sat at this sofa in the mall and did our group's favourite SHARING SESSION! haha. Of course , details cannot be revealed =X

Took some lame-ster photos ! haha! certainly felt better after sharing our 'xin shi' but , it got me really reflecting and thinking about certain 'things' ya know...

Its Very obvious we appreciate indian culture and Ancient Egyption LOL!
Finally caught the Movie , G.I. Joe ~ know what?! Its somehow a disappointment? perhaps my head is occupied with something else , perhaps im tired but i feel that the movie is quite skimpy? even some of the graphics in the movie is not properly developed and looks fake + +...
Finally cabbed home , reached home around 3-4 am .. Real tired .. its been awhile since i've hang out this late , some more i woke up at 7.15 for SOCCER zZ!~
Afterall its a really really enjoyable day , its been awhile since a large group of us hang out together , share our troubles , our happiness etc etc in life. I think my sec sch frens are the only bunch of frens that is gonna last the longest i guess... hopefully everyone don so BO CHUP so the organizers can get things done easier XP .
There's tonnes of things i really wanna say , but then whats the point , whether its fake or real you wanna treat it as nothing ever happened , i got really nothing much to say , cuz now to me i think its not jus that faithful incident that cause your change towards me , i guess its more of you , perhaps having someone else already , or jus juggling me in your palms , but i think this is as far as it goes , i really dont wan any history to re-enact , i gotta think this way " its your lost losing me , but not mine" can i really let it go like this? O.O i wonder..

Ok gtg ! Signing off ~
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Ray @ 6:24 AMWednesday, August 5, 2009

Have you ever tasted the unknown taste of losing everything?
You might say i am just paranoid , naive maybe?
But when the facts is pasted right in your face ,
when more and more things just came at the wrong time ,
when everything that you possess is goin to be gone ,
when the unknown taste is slowly delivered into your mouth.
What will you do? For Me , I got no freaking idea...

Ray @ 8:36 AM